_Barrettes (part3)_

"You. Major, whoever you are. I wish to speak to Sephiroth." Hojo stalked through the door to their office like the harbinger of bad news he usually was. Zack looked up and squelched his immediate disgust.

The hunched little man was wearing a lab coat that looked to have gone several days without a proper laundering, and the rest of him wasn't that much better. More annoying was the fact that the man _had_ to know his name by now, so his feigned ignorance was just meant to be insulting.

Zack offered the man a look of bored disinterest that he had carefully copied from Heidegger’s more annoying secretaries before turning back to his PC screen to continue his game of solitaire. "The general is busy at the moment. Do you have an appointment?"

"I am Dr. Hojo, chief of scientific research for Shinra, you simian excuse for a secretary, I don't need an appointment to speak with him."

"The general explicitly asked to not be disturbed for the morning, doctor. Perhaps you should leave a message." If he had had gum handy, he would have blown bubbles just to piss the man off. As it was, his endless computer games seemed to be doing the trick nicely.

The sad thing was he had been having a productive morning until the little leach had shown up. Zack didn't want to be caught doing real work with the scientist around, it would spoil the carefully cultivated image of 'useless slacker' he had been cultivating for the man.

Idly, he wondered if Sephiroth was really busy, or just catnapping behind the closed door. He hadn't said explicitly not to be interrupted, but hadn't been very chatty all morning. Maybe his friend had known Hojo would be coming, and was justifiably hiding from the annoyance. That was fine with Zack. He loved tormenting the greaser.

"I don't want to leave a message." Hojo looked almost serpentine when he got pissed, serpentine and blotchy. He looked scary, sure, but not exactly intimidating. The little man banged on Zack's desk, rattling his cup full of novelty pencils. "I want to see him immediately!"

Moving to let himself in, Hojo was easily blocked when Zack stood up and shifted two steps to the left, putting himself between the geek and the door. "I'm sorry sir; I really can't let you do that."

"Don't cross me, Thompson. I really can make your life a living hell." Hojo crossed his arms, and glared. In that at least, the scientist was definitely telling the truth. Zack had run-ins with the man before. It still wasn't going to stop him though.

He smiled sweetly just the same. "I'd rather you didn't?"

Hojo only grumbled, "I bet he isn't even in there. When was the last time you saw him?"

"Yesterday?" Zack played for stupid all it was worth. It was even true in a sense; he hadn't actually _seen_ Sephiroth all morning. He had gotten in at his usual -late- time, and chosen to call rather than poke his head in and be nosy. As Sephiroth hadn't emerged yet for a refill on his coffee or to be generally sociable, for all he knew the man really was sleeping behind his desk. "Definitely yesterday." He nodded thoughtfully.

"Moron." The scientist rubbed his forehead before resuming his glare. "I really wo-" Zack was just settling back in his chair as the pause got his attention, glancing over, he was pleasantly surprised to see Hojo's face. The man was floored about something, but for a moment he wasn't sure what.

Looking down he checked that he was indeed wearing a uniform today. "What, do I have coffee stains or something?"

"You-" Hojo just continued to stare at him, alarmed.

"Me?" Zack blinked, still checking himself over; curious as to what about him would throw the oily scientist for a loop. "What?"

"What the hell do you have in your hair, SOLDIER?" The idea of having Hojo suddenly looming in his face was a nasty one. Zack inadvertently leaned back in his chair. The scientist only moved closer to investigate. "They have little moogles on them!"

"They do?" He patted his head, having completely forgotten about his non-standard accessorizing during the quiet week. "Oh yeah. Well the ones on the other side have chocobos on them," He tilted his head to show off the other pair he was wearing. Somehow his calm acceptance only seemed to perplex Hojo more. Zack decided to ham it up for fun. "Aren't they cute? I think they're great."

"You do?" The scientist was tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Tell me Major, when was your last psych evaluation?"

"Excuse me?" Zack blinked, getting a sudden moment of foreboding. "Um, a year ago at least."

"And how did they find you?" The man's tone was oily.

"As brilliant as ever." He couldn't help but smirk.

Hojo looked positively _interested_ which was never a good sign. "Well I think you're due for another one, SOLDIER. One can't be too careful these days. Abnormalities can show themselves in all sorts of symptoms. I should make an appointment soon, if I were you. Point of fact, why don't I mention it to the psychologists on my way back to my lab? Since Sephiroth is too busy to see me at the moment."

Zack refrained from cringing, cursing his earlier flippancy. "I'm sure that isn't necessary, doctor."

"Tell me, Zack, have you developed any recent interest in wearing other items of women's apparel?"

Now it was his turn to be floored. What was going on in Hojo's head was a positive mystery most days, but the idea of Hojo speculating on him trying on stockings and the like was frankly disturbing. Anyone else would have earned a crack upside the head for a question like that. If Zack wasn't positive that such a move would get him called to the carpet by the president himself, he'd have been tempted to try it. He settled for a stunned, "No, why the hell would I?"

"And what exactly motivated you to start wearing them in the first place?"

"They were a gift?" He hedged. "They keep my hair out of my eyes?"

"Your hair style is also something of interest, Major. Did you start growing it longer before or after accepting your assignment as Sephiroth's chief aide?"

Trying to rationalize what exactly the oily little man was getting at was too much work before lunch. Zack rubbed his forehead. "I don't see how that's any of your business, doctor."

"Who is your usual doctor for evaluations?"

"Dr. Kind or Dr. Hempshaw." He felt cornered. "Why?"

"Hmmmm." Hojo tapped his chin again. "No that won't do at all, will it."

"What won't do?" Zack was saved by the door behind him quietly opening, Sephiroth distracting them all with his arrival. As cool as a winter day he gave them both a rather disgusted look.

"If you two don't mind, I have been trying to get some work done this morning."

"Ah, Sephiroth, I want to talk to you." Hojo glanced in Zack's direction, evil enough to send shivers down his spine. "About several things, actually. I trust you have the time?"

"Not particularly." The general's displeasure was almost palatable. "Make it fast, Hojo, I have a schedule to keep to."

"First of all, have you noticed your aide's mode of dress lately? Don't you find it, _abnormal_?" Zack turned his chair to watch the two men retreat into Sephiroth's office. His friend hadn't shut the door and their conversation was perfectly audible.

"Abnormal?" Sephiroth looked bored as ever. "I can't say that I've noted anything abnormal in Major Thompson’s appearance lately, beyond his usual, at any rate."

"Surely his _hair_, general, is a little unusual for a man of his rank and duties."

"Are you filling a complaint about long hair in the SOLDIER units, Hojo?" Sephiroth casually raked his mane over his shoulder as he leaned back in his chair. He never bothered to address the scientist by title, saying the man wasn't worth even that paltry measure of respect. Zack envied the man his ability to do that, his exalted rank did come with a few perks. "If so it is duly noted, and thank you for stopping by. Now if that's all?"

"He is wearing barrettes, general, little-girl barrettes. I think this merits a new evaluation! This could be a symptom of significant deviancy developing in his personality."

"It is more likely a symptom of his love of silly fashion crazes." Do you suggest I vet every young man in my program that is sporting barrettes this week, Hojo? They'll get bored with them soon enough. Hardly worth wasting a psychologist's time on your lack of awareness of city trends."

"Trends...?" Hojo blinked.

"I admit I'm not entirely immune either, this one at least has some beneficial side effects." Sephiroth tiled his head and pointed. Much to Hojo's disbelief, and Zack's amazed delight; he was subtly sporting a pair of dark blue metallic clips, one above each ear. Zack clamped his hand over his mouth, glad he was behind Hojo's back as he muffled his almost-laugh. He had _wondered_ where that set had wandered off to when they disappeared off his desk the day before. At the time he had blamed the janitors.

It was a moment of surreal beauty, watching Sephiroth's calm and calculated victory over the smarmy scientist. Hojo simply gaped, not having anything to volley the challenge with. He didn't even bother to try and ask whatever else it was he had come for. Too stunned to do more than blink repeatedly and totter off down the hall, muttering to himself. Seeing that Zack was too dumbstruck to move, Sephiroth stood and closed the door after the scientist's departure.

The general turned with a sigh, and leaned against the door as he unsnapped one clip at a time. He dropped them on Zack's desk with a faint murmur of, "useless little things."

Zack exhaled noisily as he stared up at his friend, and then broke into a huge grin. "You are my fucking hero. You know that right?"

"Heh." Sephiroth glanced back at the door and smirked.

"Really. You have just made my month. That was incredible. Perfect even!"

The pale man smiled in spite of himself, acknowledging his victory over the forces of evil. The expression didn't last long, fading back into his usual preoccupied frown. "You shouldn't antagonize him so much; he may file psych evaluations for both of us now."

"Nah, one run to the drug store and a quick talk with the gang, and barrettes really will be the new hot trend around here." Zack shook his head. "Fucking genius, that was."

"What would you do without me to bail you out of these situations? I swear." Sephiroth grumbled as he wandered back to his desk. "You owe me, Zack. I felt an idiot wearing those things."

"You looked cute." Zack received a death glare for his efforts, and mimed kowtowing humbly from his chair. "I'll make it up to you! Anything, you name it it's yours. Want my motorcycle? Dinner at the most expensive place in town? Gourmet coffee for a month? I'm yours to exploit."

"Hmmmm." Sephiroth turned back to his monitor with a self-satisfied look. "I'll have to get back to you on that one. For the moment I'll settle for a day of peace and quiet." He glanced down at his mug and made a face. "And a fresh pot of coffee."

"Right away general sir, anything you want, general sir." Zack offered a flippant salute and went to fuss with the percolator.