_Tamagachi_

“I love you!”

Sephiroth tried, unsuccessfully, to not crack the casing on the pen he was holding as the particularly annoying little-girl voice chimed for the fiftieth time in a row. Very carefully, he dropped the now-dripping writing implement into the trashcan, and wiped his glove off with a tissue to remove the worst of the ink. Luckily, there wasn’t much you could do to stain black leather.

“I love you!”

“I love you!”

“Thank you daddy, I grow big now!!”

If natural laws had applied, then based on the number of times the little electronic voice had chirped those very words in the past week, Sephiroth was grimly certain that it should have been the size of a house some time yesterday afternoon.

As if the noise wasn’t bad enough, there was the incessant /coddling/ that Zack seemed to adore smothering the toy with. Clipped to his suspenders, on his blotter, tucked in a pocket, he probably slept with the little gadget, always ready to take a break to answer its childish pleas for food, attention, or whatever the hell else the little toy seemed to feel it required to make its artificial little life complete.

He had sourly wondered aloud, on the third day of his week-long torture, why the man had bothered with such a needy little battery-powered pet.

Zack had the audacity to give him a hurt look when saying that if ignored, the little pixilated creature on the screen became depressed and stopped eating.

Just what the world needed, maladjusted virtual pets.

Unlike the previous year’s version of the eternal irritation, these particular toys didn’t even link up to others to do battle. Any communication they had over their little IR ports was to exchange ‘hugs’.

Apparently in this new peacetime that SOLDIERs through out the company had fought and died for, /love/ was what made the world’go’round. It was truly a sad state of affairs.

“I love you!”

Sephiroth stood up and opened the door to his office, trying to hold the tic in his eye at bay. Seeing that he was utterly ignored in favor of his assistant wasting precious minutes feeding yet more pixilated-cake into his latest love, he snatched the blue plastic case out of the man’s grasp with a portion of his infamous speed. “Right, I’m requisitioning this before I kill you with it.”

“Daddy, I’m hungry!”

“Cake please?”

“Hey that’s mine!”

Zack launched out of his chair bent on rescuing his little obsession. Sephiroth instinctively retaliated by lifting the gizmo up above his head, resulting in them playing an impromptu game of keep away. Usually Sephiroth found his height more than enough to dissuade anyone, but the dark haired man could easily over come the vertical distance with his own not-negligible jumping skills. Sometimes it seemed Zack was more jackrabbit than man. A fact that was only emphasized during their infrequent volleyball games. Despite being only slightly above norm in height, the man hopped as if spring loaded.

Knowing he would lose if he didn’t take steps, Sephiroth switched hands on the object of his friend’s desire, and reached out to forcibly catch hold of his forehead. The effect was all he wanted and more, halting Zack’s upward progress mid-jump, if only temporarily. No sooner than he was crammed back down onto the floor, the SOLDIER was struggling to be free of the unwanted blockade.

“Give it back! I have to feed it!”

“It’s a toy, Zack.”

“But it’s hungry!”

“IT IS A TOY.” He shocked the man to a temporary stand still with volume alone.

“I’m sleepy now…Nap time!” Sephiroth glared at the moronic little device held above his head and idiot friend until he was confident they would both shut the hell up. Dangling by its too-cute blue ribbon tassel, the program slept, save for a little blinking light. Taking a deep breath, he found a measure of calm before speaking again.

“If I listen to this little thing utter so much as a peep for the rest of its insignificant life, I will personally put it through the trash compactor. Even your girlfriends are less annoying than this.”

“Jeez, remind me to never get you a puppy.” Taking his toy back with a sour look, Zack checked it over for damage before tucking it into a pocket. “Right, I’ll see you later then.”

“Where do you think you’re going?!”

Zack blinked as if the answer should be obvious. “Well to find a babysitter, of course.” He smirked, “What, jealous much?” before disappearing down the hall.

Slamming his door behind him as he retreated into his own office; Sephiroth put his head down on his desk and wondered what sort of vengeful, petty, tedious chore could possibly be evil enough for the man when he returned.