(post Wutai)
Sephiroth watched his friend digging in the battered old refrigerator with a sense of foreboding. When the man emerged with half a dish of casserole and a plate of brownies that looked to have been liberated from Shinra catering, he knew he was right. It was a conspiracy; a one man conspiracy of gluttony.
When he had first seen the casserole, emerging piping hot and aromatic from the SOLDIER’s oven, he thought it remarkably appetizing. It hadn’t disappointed when served up, filled with an odd assortment of cheese, noodles, and meat, they had both innocently gorged on it. Or so he had thought. Narrowing his eyes, he considered the man blithely shoving the leftovers in the oven while snacking on a brownie, mentally calculating the calories, fats and sugars in every distracted mouthful. The casserole too, was given a coldly impartial analysis. Not swayed by the enticing smell filling the kitchen he watched it as an enemy, analyzing every bubble of the thick sauce holding it together for unwanted carbohydrate intake.
Sephiroth was distracted from his glaring by the arrival of his second nemesis, the plate of confectionary dropped directly infront of him on the small table. “Spoil your dinner? Such as it is?”
“No thank you.” He gently pushed the platter away a few precious inches, trying hard not to smell the chocolate laden treats. Last week it had been ice cream. The week before, home made fruit pie. Sephiroth was glad for the brownies, as honestly he was not a chocolate lover by nature. Had there been another pie, he might have worried about his fortitude, but he was confident he could hold out against lesser forces.
Zack simply shrugged off his abstinence, snagging _another_ sweet from the plate before turning back to the fridge. Sephiroth shot a glare at the man’s back, wanting to scold him for gluttony. The dark haired man turned in time to catch him at it, eyebrow raising in an eloquent question. He tried to cover for his slip by rubbing his forehead.
“Um… Ice tea, Seph?”
Ice tea, Gongaga style, boiled, brewed, sweetened with honey and soured with lime. It was normally a staple. Silently he guessed at the contents and vetoed it all together. “Water perhaps.”
“Ooooookay…” The man definitely was suspicious. Sephiroth wondered if he shouldn’t make his excuses and flee back to his apartment, there was nothing to eat at all in his cabinets last he checked, just teabags, tinfoil, and bouillon cubes that he hung on to for some strange reason. There was also a largish jar of name-brand jellybeans, but those were officially off the list of ‘to be eaten’ for at least a month. Having to do without the tasty snack was a further irritation he had to live with. Rightly, he blamed Zack for that too. The man was a menace.
The man was sitting across from him, dusting brownie crumbs from his shirt.
Zack took a sip of tea before finally slouching forward conspiratorially. “So you going to tell me what’s got you all ruffled today? Or do we play twenty-questions? Because you know I suck at that game and I’ll never figure it out without a hint.”
“Hmmm” Sephiroth fiddled with his glass of water instead, wondering how the man could possibly be so oblivious.
“Speak, general, speak!” His friend teased.
Sephiroth glared at him until the smile faded and then cleared his throat for good measure. “I had my physical today.”
Zack could play it calm as well as any man he had ever encountered, simply raising the inquisitive eyebrow again and sipping his damned sugar water.
“Dr. Kind told me that I’ve gained ten pounds in the last six months.”
“You put on weight?”
“Yes.”
The dark haired man sipped his drink again, puzzling through something. “Ten? That’s nothing.”
“Nothing?!”
Zack laughed. “Here I thought it was something serious! You came back looking like they’d just given you a month to live or something… Jeez! Way to scare a man over nothing, Seph.”
“It’s not _nothing_!” He banged his hand down on the table, rattling the cups. “This is the first time I’ve gained weight in ten years!”
“Wow, that long?” Zack had the balls to look impressed. “But still, it’s only ten pounds, you can work that off in a weekend.”
“It’s the principle of the thing. What if it’s another ten pounds by the next physical-“
“It won’t be. Relax.”
“Relax? Yes of course you’d say that.” Sephiroth glared. “It’s your damn fault!”
“My fault?!” His friend leaned back in his chair in amazement. “What the hell did I do?”
“You started _feeding_ me.” He sighed. “Regularly. In the past two months alone I’ve eaten in this very kitchen no less than fifty-six times.”
“Wow. That many?” Zack grinned again, obviously pleased with how well his nefarious plan had worked.
“The average caloric content of each meal was three times the recommended level based on Shinra dietary guidelines!”
“What the hell are you talking about.” The SOLDIER made a face. “Not even a lab rat could stay alive following those guidelines, they’re inhumane.”
“_I_ followed them.” Sephiroth grumbled. “To the letter, if you must know. Hence my never altering weight for so many years.”
“Bet you lost weight in Wutai.” Zack disagreed congenially. “Everyone lost weight in Wutai, sweated it off by the gallon.”
“That’s beside the point.” He sighed. “The point is I refuse to gain weight past my usual level. And so I do not appreciate your constant supply of junkfood.”
“You saying I’m making you fat?” Zack cracked up again, almost choking on his tea.
“You’re an enabler.”
The man didn’t look remotely humble. “You could stand a few more pounds, honestly, would square you up a bit, kill some of the ‘he’s a girl’ jokes.”
“Zack!”
“Alright alright, don’t get your garters in a twist.” The wild haired SOLDIER propped his head on his fist and looked to give the matter serious thought. Sephiroth tapped his fingers irritably.
Finally Zack shrugged in his usual carefree way. “As far as I see it, you have only two options, general. Option one, stop coming over. That way you won’t be tempted to eat my cooking, and avoid being doomed to a future filled with actually appetizing food, there by guaranteeing you resume your old habits of eating crackers and too-strong coffee.”
The man made a face. “Very appealing, I’m sure. Option two, is come work out with us mere mortals for more than an hour every other day down in the gym, like you used to before the war. You’ve been spending more and more time stuck in meetings since we got back, and a run in the mornings will take the edge off your nerves before facing down Scarlet in the boardroom, if nothing else. I usually do a 4K before breakfast to wake up,” he winced a little. “Well, I do when I remember to wake up in time.”
“How often is that?”
Sephiroth asked doubtfully.
“A lot more often than usual, if you kick my door in the morning to get me to run with you?”
“Your proposal is acceptable.” Sephiroth considered it for another moment before finding it was not an undue burden on his schedule. “I’ll take some tea now if you don’t mind.”
“It’d be my pleasure.”